February 22, 2006

Hunters are such saps.

Let me let you guys in on a secret. Hunters? Yeah. They're just saps who flunked out of warlock school. I don't mean that literally of course. There isn't really a warlock school. I'm just saying, if there was one, the people who couldn't cut it would become hunters.

I'm kicking around with this hunter the other night, and we're doing alright. It's pretty cool because we both send our minions in to do our work for us. I've got my succubus and she's got some kind of big black cat. I notice that as time goes on the cat is carrying less and less of the burden, and I point that out to the hunter.

"Oh, she must just be hungry. Wait a minute while I feed her."

That's when I realized what saps hunters were. I mean, look at this:

See that cute orange bar? Apparently that's the pet's happiness meter. Happiness! Can you believe it!? Not only do hunters have to spend gods-only-know how much gold on endless supplies of arrows and bullets, but they have to keep their pets happy! How quaint!

I was laughing so hard that I must have hurt her feelings, because she started getting on my case about how I have a pet too so I should understand how she feels.

"Honey," I told her, "I don't have pets. I have minions. I have demonic slaves. They serve me because their souls are bound to me by incantations black and ancient. If I were concerned with their happiness I would release them from the anguish and torment that is servitude."

Then, $just to prove my point, I Dark Pacted all my succubus's mana away and sent her off to be murdered by some elite dragon. Then I resummoned her and did it again. "Sometimes," I told the hunter, "I make her sit and whip herself with her tail until she's bruised and bloody, for no reason other than my own amusement. I charge kids in Stormwind five silver a piece to watch."

At that point she was pretty fed up with me, so she took her lame panther and went somewhere else. Oh well, good riddance. It's not my fault hunters are such saps.

1 comment:

Jesse said...

ROFL. Nice post, Crys.