March 23, 2006

Fun things to do with soul shards.

It's come to my attention that some of my warlock peers (as though any of them were worthy of being my peers) have been complaining about their soul shards. They complain that soul shards take up too much bag space. They complain that they're too hard to get. They complain that... I don't know... they're too purple.

Now make no mistake, these crybabies are giving warlocks a bad name with their blubbering, and they all deserve to be sold into the Steamwheedle slave trade as far as I'm concerned. And before you start to protest that the Cartel doesn't have a slave trade, let me point this out: the goblins are richer than you, smarter than you, and probably better looking. Of course they have a slave trade. As a slaver myself I salute them for it, but now I'm getting off topic.


Anyway, I am going to bestow upon my demon-lashing bretheren a fraction of my infinite generosity, and offer a short list of fun things one can do with one's soul shards:

  • Make jewelery. This one sounds pretty unimaginative, but I guess I just have a soft spot for pretty things. Stringing together a family of murlocs into a handsome necklace is much cheaper than buying up a bunch of golden pearls for the same purpose.
  • Convince humans they're magic beans. Humans are naturally stupid, and a lot of the new adventurer types you run across have worked on some gods-forsaken farm in Westfall all their lives. The world of magic and enchantment is new to them, so they're easily fooled. You haven't lived until you've seen Random Warrior #429 try to take a big bite out of what used to be a Defias Knuckleduster.
  • Skip them across a lake. This works especially well with things like fire elementals, since the trapped soul now has to live the rest of its torturous eternity submerged in water.
  • Summon random people. You'd be surprised how easy it can be to invite some random guy to join your group and then summon him into a firbog camp or off the side of a cliff. If that isn't the very definition of fun, I have no idea what is.
  • Hide them under the mattress at the inn. Little known fact about soul shards is that they give off very faint noises, just on the edge of mortal perception. This will either manifest as humming, wailing, sobbing... it depends on what kind of lame creature you've got trapped inside. Anyway, this can be used to seriously creep people out because they're never quite sure they've heard anything, but at the same time they haven't been able to get a wink of sleep. Bonus points if you manage to drive someone mad!
  • Beat your demons into submission. Demon-slaves are already pretty submissive, but if you ever catch them acting up, keep in mind that your 24-slot Felcloth Bag has some bulk to it when it's completely full... perfectly suited to cracking an uncooperative imp upside the head a few times. That'll learn 'em.
  • Convince humans they're suppositories. This works like the magic bean suggestion above, but with far more hilarious results.
  • Use them as caltrops. You know those irritating naked night elf girls that like to dance en masse in front of the mailbox while you're trying to send out this week's extortion letters? Throw a handful of soul shards at their bare feet. You need more than tweezers to pull a sliver of demonic glass out of your heel.
And on the subject of Drain Soul: keep in mind it's a really humiliating way to die. The other day I killed some idiot rogue with Drain Soul, and his friends laughed at him so hard they didn't even notice when my imp and I proceeded to murder them one by one with fireballs. Then I planted the soul shard in Teldrassil; I'm hoping it grows into a rogue tree that I can harvest for my personal use.

3 comments:

Deagen said...

/sigh

Hey, Crystalis! I too am a fellow warlock and blogger and I just discovered you're site... though i've only just started 'locking I would love to keep in contact.

BTW, Orcs fall for the same suppository trick!

Also, if it's not to much trouble I was wondering if we could link to each other. I'm at deagen.blogspot.com. Thanks!

Yrena said...

Hey Crys, I think your dwarf buddy Rhaego will be around this weekend. In the words of that scary lion Scar, "Be prepared!"

-Anabelle, human priestess servant

runescape accounts for sale said...

This will either manifest as humming, wailing, sobbing... it depends on what kind of lame creature you've got trapped inside. Anyway, this can be used to seriously creep people out because they're never quite sure they've heard anything, but at the same time they haven't been able to get a wink of sleep.